peregr1ne: my mom is trying to pick a colour for her new wheelchair and me and my dad are telling her to get black and she’s just like “but how will I know if someone is stealing it” and my dad is just like “because you’ll be sitting on the floor” and she slapped him
mandatoryupgrades: Anyone who thinks Shakespeare is boring apparently missed the greatest stage direction ever written: I want that to be the final line of my biography.
popeyeschicken: “I liked the great gatsby and all, but they made so many changes from the book… Like they added spider-man… ¿¿¿” -my brother
notquiteluke: nepeter: im really mad because boobs sounds too hilarious, tits sounds too vulgar, breasts too pretentious and any other words just make me want to laugh what word am i supposed to use while writing rumble spheres
dickfaerie: adding a period on the end of everything makes it sound sarcastic lol. haha. youre so funny. youre so hot. of course i dont hate you.
staff: magsby: petition for tumblr staff to leave we don’t want to be here anyway david karp holds us hostage send help
positivemilk: But mom how am I suppose to buy drugs with a gift card
pillory: there are some people who hate being wrong so much that even when you have undeniable proof right in their fucking face they will disregard it because they cant handle being wrong
sweeneytad: *dentist slaughters family in front of you* they’re bleeding because you don’t floss
snapchatting: you are under arrest for being attractive and ruining my life
New ideas for vodka flavors:
coketalk: heyveronica: adulthoodisokay: gifthorsedentistry: suburbantragic: Bagel Menthol Aspic Old Spice New Car Anime hot dust girl smell photo album Arby’s bathroom shnapps Pledge baby powder new shower curtain ham regret axe body spray burnt hair wet towels guac cloves Wasabi Boob Sweat Crack Rocks Gay Marriage Taint
nishlo: nishlo: CARTOONIST FOUND DEAD IN HIS APARTMENT DETAILS ARE SKETCHY
ghiralicious: livingenough: swimminginmavin: hurpthederp: iwillmindfuckyou: gameandwatch: kushdrinker: green is not a creative color what the fuck are you trying to say with that gif lets not bring it up lets never bring it up Don’t Hug me I’m Scared what part of never bring it up do you not understand
letmyepitaphbe: I just grew up